creepy and hatboy – the mambo of doom

creepy and hatboy - heroes for a couching world.

i munched into the splice.
instant ice-cream headache.
i doubled over in pain and screamed my agony to the mall.
shoppers hurried past, and i reached for a young girl who looked like she might know some kind of herbal cure. “help me,” i croaked, but her mother siezed her wrist and dragged her away.
“will no one help me?” i cried. “my brain is freezing inside my skull!”
no one helped.
i was just about to die, another victim of the lack of warning labels on ice creams, when i saw it.
it radiated pure devastation as it hung in the window of the surf shop.
i nabbed the first shopper who walked close enough and threw him against the window. i pushed his geeky face against the glass and screamed into his ear. “do you see it? is it really there? am i only dreaming? that’s the mambo shirt to end the world! i must possess it!”
he struggled free of my grasping claws and bolted through the crowd, shrieking in fear of the abomination which hung like some pagan god of something very colourful indeed.
when i recovered enough to slouch back home, i found hatboy and ninjagirl in the kitchen. they took one glance at my new shirt and ducked for cover.
“guess what? we’re eating noodles for the next two weeks! yay!”

noodles

they weren’t too happy about me spending the food money on my new shirt, but they could see the importance of a well-stocked closet.
it helped, too, that mario the deli guy gave me a line of credit for the month. poor mario had given it to me just to get me out of his shop. my shirt was driving away the other customers.
“i’ll help you eat for the fortnight, if you promise to send someone else down to collect the goods!” he yelled from behind the counter. “you must never come back here wearing that . . . that thing!”
hatboy went down to the deli and raided the coke fridge.
ninjagirl raided the sugary treats shelf.
mario told them not to come back, that my line of credit had expired.
i went down to mario’s to talk it over.

creepy ramen

when i got back, hatboy and ninjagirl were waiting for me. ninjagirl had her sword out.
hatboy had a fork.
“he said we can get what we want,” i told them. i handed hatboy the bag of salty snacks.
ninjagirl looked at him. “well?”
he shrugged. “kill him if you like. i’d rather you didn’t, because i’m working on my devious plan of much-creepy-hurty. i’d hate to have to settle for mutilating his corpse.”
she put her sword away. “you’re lucky, creepy, that mario’s letting us eat. if he didn’t, i’d be using you for ramen.”
“creepy ramen?” hatboy frowned. “i don’t think i’d like that.”
“i’d put in plenty of soy sauce.”
“hmm.”
“hey!” i said. “you’re not putting me in ramen! i’m a vegetarian.”

Tags: creepy and hatboy