diary of a video store guy – week eight

day 50

mike’s starting a special sci-fi fantasy club.
he reckons everyone’ll join, and from their ranks he can create a new cult.
a cult which will out-cult the templars.
“we might take over the world!” he cackles. “we’ll convert the world to starfleetist propaganda. we’ll abolish multi-nationals. hell, we’ll ban capitalist pigs and execute their families! glory!”
he rents the good, the bad, and the ugly and goes home.
i wonder when the templars will assassinate him.
i pick up the phone and tell the dial tone that mike was here.

day 51

tried playing diablo 2 expansion set bullshit today.
naturally, it managed to corrupt all previous character files.
i wrote to blizzard and got some robot emailing me replies.
apparently i can get a refund, provided i move to america three weeks ago.
i went through the computer, banning members at random until i wasn’t so pissed off.

day 52

“hi, what time do you close?”
“in a minute.”
“oh, good. well, i was wondering if you have a video machine you rent out.”
“sometimes.”
“well, i was wondering if it’s, like, okay if i come down and pick it up right now. i don’t have a membership yet, so i’ll need to join as well.”
“i’m closing.”
“can’t you just wait behind fifteen minutes?”
of course i can.
i waited until they drove up, and locked the door in their faces.
“sorry,” i called through the glass. “we’re closed now.”

day 53

got robbed again.
this time the guy held a needle to my back and offered to inject me if i didn’t come up with more cash.
“fuck you, cocksucker!” he screamed. “i know you got more! open the safe, fucker!”
i opened the safe.
there was no money in there, but he did steal my december issue of fhm.
bastard.

day 54

some customer returned a copy of bring it on.
complained that it wasn’t a good movie, and wanted a refund.
i pointed out that the movie was a commercial american piece of shit, and if he didn’t realise that when he picked it up off the shelf, then there was no fucking way i was going to reward his incompetence.
i’m getting sick of telling people that.
another day, another member banned, really.

day 55

put down the floor last night, so now the skating experience just sings.
members were squealing as i zoomed past them, ripping at their jackets, hats, or handbags.
i grabbed random videos as i zipped down the aisles, tossing them into random sections and generally fucking around with everyone.
today was the greatest day of all.

day 56

a customer came in today to rent the exorcist.
that night his mummy dragged him in by his ears and slammed the video down in front of me.
“how can you let a child get this trash out? it’s r-rated, you freak!”
i pointed out that, judging by what the kid’s daddy gets out all the time, i figured no one’d mind.

Tags: customer service, customers, video store, working in retail